Prose rewrite I believe now I have overpunctuated; Dondi, if you please?

It now, to me, reads easier. Poetic prose does not necessarily adhere strictly to the stringent rules of grammar, but the pauses and stops make it much easier to read as the author intended. And the deletion of a period or comma can sometimes alter the conceived meaning of the entire work. I will now not count off any points for punctuation. Well done.